Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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