he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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