Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
