I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
