I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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