There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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