I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
