9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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