a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
