The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
