Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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