we have pet lesbian snakes
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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