I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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