i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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