Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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