I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
