My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
