Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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