She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize