I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
