are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
