I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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