As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize