i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
