Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
sarcasm needs its own font
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
