my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
