This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
