let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
