He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
