my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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