In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
bring money and cleavage
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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