Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My first STD was from a foam party
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
