Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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