What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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