My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
