great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
