you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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