Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
