The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is it because I queefed?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
