Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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