If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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