There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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