I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
