You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
