found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
