Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
