This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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