the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
