Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
