Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize