just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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