This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
