I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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