so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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