just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize