***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
