I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
