I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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