If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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