So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Bring me that man meat
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
