i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
