idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize