her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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