Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
