enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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