I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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