Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
