i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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