Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
